Mindset

The book Mindset, by Carol Dweck, has an important message for parents and teachers:

Praise effort, not talent and intelligence.

Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, has discovered through research that people have either a fixed mindset or a growth mindset: they either "know" that they have a certain fixed amount of brains, brawn and talent, and that's that; or they think that whatever intelligence and talents they have—that is, whatever hand of cards they are dealt--is only the starting point, and that they can improve through learning, practice, and plain old hard work. Those with a fixed mindset give up on tasks much more quickly than those with a growth mindset, and many people with a fixed mindset end up under performing. People with a growth mindset can actually improve their talents and their intelligence, and can therefore achieve success in life. Obviously, modern Western society teaches kids that "practice makes perfect" and that effort counts. However, Dweck and others have shown that the idea that each individual has a fixed quantity of intelligence that can be measured on an IQ test runs deep in the Western psyche and can be hard to overcome. One way that the fixed mindset gets taught and reinforced in children is through parental praise; we say, "Oh, aren't you smart?" and "Look how strong you are!" and "You're so talented!" and on and on. These sorts of praises spring to our lips even when we are with very young children, toddlers and babies.

Apparently, these praises tend to have the effect of convincing children that there are personality traits and mental and physical abilities that they either have or don't have. This mindset makes it more likely that kids will give up on tasks that are difficult. “I tried; I'm just not good at _________ (fill in the blank).” This mindset also causes many to feel the constant need to prove themselves, always hoping for more praise, more reassurance that they are holding a straight-flush rather than a pair of fives. Alfie Kohn (author of Punished By Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes) has tried to wean parents away from trying to manipulate children or even to build self-esteem through praise; Dweck's findings point us in a slightly different direction. When a child succeeds and you feel praise bubbling up, praise the effort that has gone into the success.

"Wow! I like this painting--it's so colorful! I can see you worked really hard on it." "That dance was beautiful. All your dedication and rehearsal sure paid off." "Great hitting today. I can see that you've been practicing a lot."

I agree that empty, general praise is more harmful than helpful, especially when there is a hidden agenda behind it, and I think insincere praise is rarely believed, anyway. I suspect that children who get a lot of it feel manipulated or perhaps unworthy of any real commendation. However, I find it almost irresistible to praise something truly deserving. I have always tried to make my sincere praises as specific as possible, to be helpful feedback. But giving props for effort, perseverance, and practice is not something I have had in the forefront of my mind. Perhaps I did a lot of it—or perhaps I failed in this regard—I just don't know. All I know is two things:

1. I will certainly keep Dweck's findings in mind in the future.
2. I wish Dweck had written her book a couple of decades ago!